


Sharing is Caring

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Boys Being Boys, Canon Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Hung Lance, Lance's Magnum Dong, Long Schlong Lance, M/M, Sex Toys, There Are Absolutely No References To, or - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 16:33:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You’re shoving too hard!”“You’re not shoving hard enough!”_____Two twunks get hot, hard, and heavy with a toy. Or, Keith and Lance share a double dildo.Alternate title: Keith & Lance’s Double Dildo Disaster





	Sharing is Caring

**Author's Note:**

> The summary is false advertising because I don’t actually describe the sex scene where their naked asses slap together over and over again. Anyway, my two cents:
> 
> Small brain: Bottom Lance.
> 
> Small brain (again): Bottom Keith.
> 
> Normal brain: They don’t like anal.
> 
> Lit brain: They switch.
> 
> Me, enlightened beyond human comprehension, juggling fire plucked straight from the Furnace of All Creation as I win a game of Connect Four against God:
> 
> They bottom at the same time.

“You’re shoving too hard!”

“You’re not shoving hard enough!”

Frustrated grunts echo through the neon-lit bedroom.

“Keith! Cool your jets!? It’s not even in front of my asshole!”

They’re laying on Lance’s bed, backs to the mattress, their legs spread obscenely wide. Between them is a glittery, purple, 16 inch double-ended dildo.

Lance gives up first, propping up on his elbows to shoot Keith a dirty glare.

“Okay, this isn’t working. How about you put it in first and then I’ll put my end in after. Sound good?”

Keith mirrors the action, magnifying the glare tenfold.

“I don’t understand why we had to do this in the first place! What’s wrong with regular sex?”

“Because my mom told me you gotta do new things to keep the spark burning! And this thing--” Lance shakes the dildo in a tight fist. “--cost us 100,000 GAC so we have to use it at least once!”

The dildo flops around wildly. Both lube-shiny ends slap Lance’s arm with moist pats.

Keith eyes the dildo with disdain. “We can just return it.”

Lance gasps, wide-eyed and clutching the dildo to his chest like a scandalized Victorian grandmother. “No! What the cheese! That’s so nasty!”

“How? Boil it in water and it’ll be like we never touched it.”

Lance pretends to vomit. He goes off on a passionate rant about sanitation and proper hygiene before he cuts himself off. Squints. Points the dildo at Keith accusingly. “You’ve done it before.” It’s not a question.

Keith doesn’t even have the decency to act ashamed. He shrugs. “They allowed same-day returns.”

Lance closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Makes a ‘ _wooooo’_ sound with his mouth. “I don’t know where to start. There’s so much to unpack.”

“Then don’t. Let’s get this over with.” Keith snatches the dildo out of Lance’s white-knuckled fist. There’s no resistance as it squelches free. It’s like squishing toothpaste out from a brand new tube--it’s so easy with all of the lubricant.

Keith bends at the waist as he presses one end to his asshole, pushing in slowly on an exhale. He stops about two inches from the center, leaning back and beckoning Lance closer.

Lance quickly scoots into position. He balances on one elbow, gripping the dildo as he sinks onto it, feeling the sweet sting of penetration. Then it’s in as far as their tangled legs will allow, four inches of glittery fake purple penis left over.

“What now?”

Lance shrugs. “Just start moving, I guess.”

What follows next is disaster. The angle is weird or the rhythm is off or maybe there’s not enough leverage. But if it’s not that, it’s stopping to re-adjust the dildo because suddenly one of them has nine inches up their ass while the other is barely holding onto a tip. Five minutes filled with awkward grunting, then they’re leaning back, staring at each other frustratedly.

Lance glances at where they connect, throwing his head back, breaking the tension by giggling like a fifth grader hearing the word ‘penis’. “Ha. Our balls aren’t touching. It’s not gay.”

Keith snorts a little. “I don’t know why I put up with you.” But his voice contains the soft curve of a fond smile. “And that joke is so overused.”

Lance can’t resist teasing. He grins wide. “You put up with me because you _looooovvvee_ me. You want to kiss me and be my Valentine and do… weird and embarrassing things! Like smell my hair when I’m sleeping and take my shirts.”

He reaches over, slotting their fingers together because thinking about Keith doing those things made him feel sappy. Leftover lube smeared on their palms leaves the romantic hand holding feeling a little past “acceptably damp” but that’s okay.

Keith doesn’t respond immediately. His cheeks though--as always--burn red like a flare, bright even when washed out by the icy blue nightlights. He squeezes back tight--so tight Lance feels his bones creak--and mumbles an awkward “Yeah.” in confirmation.

Keith still isn’t too good with The Big Three Words. But maybe he doesn’t need to be when Lance can read honesty in his actions.

Like how Keith will bring him souvenirs from missions apart, how he’ll carry Lance to the dining hall when he’s too lazy to walk, how he’ll put up with him rambling into the night without getting mad.

So what if weird favors and an awkward “yeah” are his version of “I love you”? Keith loves him and it shows in the little things, the things you can’t fake. Keith loves him, Lance is sure of it. The feelings inspired by that thought turn and fire Space-Cupid’s blaster cannon of love straight into his puny human chest.

Lance lunges at Keith to wrap him in a hug, long arms winding around a lithe torso. A surprised grunt leaves his lungs as he’s pinned under Lance’s weight.

But the dildo is still inside so being chest-to-chest gets uncomfortable fast.

“ _Lance!”_

Keith shoves Lance back with two hands to the shoulders and tugs out his end of the toy.

“We’re throwing this away.” Keith growls as he leans into Lance’s space and makes to pull out his end.

“Wait!” Lance stops him, grabbing onto his wrists. “One more try! Please Keith.” He pouts and gives him his best puppy-dog eyes.

Keith deflates. Still, he shakes his head. “No.”

“One more try.”

“No.”

“Just one more.”

“No.”

“Dude. Babe. Please, one more.” Lance holds up his index finger.

“No.”

He’s not budging.

“Fine. We’ll have to go our entire lives never knowing what it feels like to successfully use a double dildo even though we had the chance. It’s gonna eat away at us until the day we die. In your retirement home, your very last thought before you kick the bucket is gonna be “Man, I wish I listened to Lance’.”

Keith scoffs. “That will not be my last thought.” He looks uncertain though. “I’ll probably forget this happened by the time I’m that old.”

“You won’t. Because I’ll be right there next to you, reminding you every chance I get.”

Keith shrugs. “I’ll think of something else? You don’t control my thoughts.”

Lance grins. “Whatever you do, don’t think of blue elephants.”

Keith’s lower lip plumps up in a pout. He crosses his arms and turns his head to the side.

“You thought of them didn’t you?” Lance unfolds Keith’s arms, guiding him down to lay next to him. Lance snuggles into his neck and singsongs, “Basic psychology, Keith.”

Then Lance blows a raspberry into his cheek. Keith flinches and tries to slap him away, but Lance has already moved out of range, cackling.

Keith relents. “Fine. One more try and if it still sucks I’m not gonna warn you before I _yank_ it from your ass and throw it out the airlock.”

“That’s the spirit!” Lance moves back in, kissing Keith on the corner of his mouth and pinching the opposite cheek. “Love you baby.”

Keith flushes pink and rolls his eyes. “So how do you wanna do it?”

Lance hums. “I was thinking ass to ass.” He crawls over to the end of the bed, falls onto his elbows, and shakes his butt at Keith. Still inside, the dildo swings side to side like a tail.

Keith glares at dildo, lube reflecting the blue lighting as it waves back and forth. And even as he gets into position, Keith resists the very strong urge to rip it out and mince it with his blade.

But he holds onto the center, enjoying the slide of it into his body. Already this new position is turning out to be a lot better. It presses up against his prostate and he moans as the rest of it pushes deep into him, deeper than it was before.

Keith drops to his elbows, ass to ass with Lance as he catches his breath.

Lance looks behind him. “You good?”

“Yeah.” Keith nods.

“Move?”

Keith breathes out, “Move.”

They move.

 

_____

 

Long story short, they have a good time.

 

_____

 

Later, they’re holding hands side by side on cum-stained sheets as they catch their breaths, giant purple dildo dropped somewhere off the side of the bed.

Lance speaks first. “That was fun.”

“Yep.”

“A little too much work though. And missing a lot of skin on skin contact.”

“Exactly.”

“It would’ve been nice to make out while we did this.” Lance looks at Keith. “I vote we try different toys.”

Keith looks at Lance. “What if we cut this one in half?”

Lance begins to protest. “Uh. That’s not really a good id--”

But Keith has already whipped out his blade, activating it to full size.

Lance stares at the glowing purple sword, bewildered. “Where did you put that?”

“Up my ass.” Keith deadpans. “No. It was under your mattress.” He gingerly places the sword between them and reaches over for the dildo.

Lance subtly inches closer to the wall, trying his best not to think about how many people Keith sliced open with that sword. Would their ghost be able to cling to items? An alien ghost? Can aliens even become ghosts? But most importantly:

“So you’re saying that thing could’ve impaled us at any time during our tender lovemaking.”

Keith rolls back onto the bed, dildo grasped firmly in hand.

“No. According to Kolivan, living flesh has to be wrapped around the hilt. That, combined with intent, will activate the blade.”

Lance contemplates this, humming. “So if you put the handle up your ass--”

“No. This belonged to thirty generations of my family on my mother’s side. We. Are. Not. Going There.” At the last word, Keith stabs a finger into the center of Lance’s chest.

Lance rubs the spot, whining, “ _Owww_.” Then he gets that expression on his face. The one he gets right before he says something stupid.

“You’re also thirty generations on your mother’s side. So it’s technically a part of you.” He thinks about it more. “Kind of. You know what I mean.”

Keith sighs. Then he rubs one end of the dildo over Lance’s smiling mouth and laughs at the resulting screams.

But Lance recovers quickly. “Oh yeah, you think you’ve won?”

He sits up, reaches between his legs, holds up his hand--

“I touched my asshole with this hand.”

\--and slaps Keith’s forearm.

Keith doesn’t even flinch.

Lance pouts. Slaps Keith’s arm again and sighs dejectedly when he gets no reaction. “Why.”

“Lance, we have anal sex on a regular basis.” Keith picks up his sword and holds up the dildo. “Now, where should I cut this?”

Lance snatches the dildo out of his hand. “Yeah about that. It’s a terrible idea. What if it gets lost inside and we have to go to the Space Hospital and explain to the Space Doctors what happened?”

Keith snatches it back. “This thing would split into two eight inch dildos. It’s not going to get lost in anyone’s ass.”

He seems really excited about the prospect of using individual toys, and Lance hates to burst his bubble, but their butts are literally on the line here.

“You know, I’d love to agree with you but no. They’d need a base. We can buy something else later, if we save up enough GAC.”

Keith pouts and his shoulders sag. “Fine.” He deactivates his blade.

Instantly, guilt presses on Lance’s heart. He _hates_ it when his boyfriend is sad about things.

“Well, I mean. If we’re careful about it--it… should be fine…”  Lance kisses Keith on the temple. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

**Author's Note:**

> The hypothetical sequel: Keith & Lance’s Emergency Room Regret


End file.
